I know I can be a really big bitch when I get upset. And trust me its going to happen always, that’s not changing. What I don’t get is why keep challenging it. This always happens to a girl like me, the minute I show my vulnerable side, the minute I start to be nice and cute it doesn’t turn out so well for me. See, if I already explained something to you and you already know that its a problem, why go and do exactly that? And why go and do it right after coming out of an argument where everything went back to great? I’ll tell you why- cuz you’re an idiot. I’m upset now, I’m on that edge where my mind starts thinking all this kind of shit and it really starts to not give a fuck. For someone who claims that they always think of me before doing anything to make sure I’m happy, it doesn’t seem like it. And then to respond all nonchalant when I tell you I’m upset that just gives me the exact idea you want to portray. Broken promises and broken words are not something I appreciate. But what I’m really fucked up about now, what really gets me is that notion of realizing that I shouldn’t have changed my mind in the first place because if I hadn’t I would be happy right now.
Life is beautiful in so many ways. The people who love you are the biggest blessings to have. And I’m so thankful for them, for they bring me joy. No matter what you want to do in life, it is worth nothing if you don’t have good people to share it with. It is worth nothing if they are not there to help you pull through. Lately God has been blessing me more than I feel I deserve, but I work hard for all that I want and I thank him each day for them all. I’m happier than I’ve been in quite a while and hope it continues to be so. Dios es grande y poderoso.
I know I’m not the only one that deals with things that she can’t control, but I also don’t know how it feels to have pain that is not my own. Everyday I wake up to know that I have to deal with that problem. It haunts me, it hurts me, and most of all it makes me angry… all the time. I don’t know how to be myself anymore and everyday it seems to get worse. Not one day can I say that its not on my mind or that it isn’t a real problem. It takes away a part of myself that is very important, and the worse thing is that I can’t, for no matter how hard I try, or how much I pray, I can’t do anything about it. I see everybody else and they all seem so happy. They are lucky, they have been blessed because they don’t have my kind of problem to deal with. And I don’t know what I did to deserve this or why, and to be honest I see absolutely no reason for either.
